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 Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?

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Benj

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PostSubject: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Sun May 24, 2009 9:14 am

I've recently been questioned quite a bit on Facebook as to why I still maintain close friendships with a number of my exs. It seems some people find it quite hard to fathom that I can bear to have them in my friends list, let alone in my life after the intimacy is gone.

Perhaps I've just been blesses to have mainly amicable breakups. At the end of the day, even if the romance failed, they still have the wonderful qualities that drew you to them in the first place surely?
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Ant

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Location : Perth, Australia

PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Sun May 24, 2009 9:20 am

I don't think its normal. Most people hate each others guts by the time the split happens and can't wait to see the back of each other. More power to the likes of you and Dave who can remain just as close after the bumping and grinding is over. It's a tribute to how much you love and respect each other.
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Davo

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Sun May 24, 2009 9:35 am

Most of my exs I'd willingly offer to mow down with the work ute first opportunity given me!

But if you managed to find something special, you don't let em walk out the door never to be seen again when the relationship ends. You work damn hard to keep the friendship alive. Bottom line - Benj is and will always be my best friend, regardless if I never see her running naked around my loungeroom ever again.

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Admin/Luka
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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Sun May 24, 2009 3:10 pm

Normal people (yes by this I mean everyone apart from Benj and Dave) have trouble maintaining any sort of civil relationship once its done and dusted. If theres kids in the mix alot of couples will try but often when its time to move on you want to sever all ties and put things in the past where they now belong.

In short; you two are bloody mutants pmsl. Or perhaps more correctly masochists?

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Sim

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Location : Melbourne

PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Mon May 25, 2009 4:01 am

I'm civil with my exs, and a few I'd even consider to still be friends. It is possible after the initial hurt is over if you both try really hard.

But I have to agree with Luka's assessment on Benj and Dave. Sorry, no disrespect intended to either of you or your respective partners, but you two may not be screwing physically anymore but you are still screwing emotionally. (Did that make any sense to anyone but me?) You could both be on opposite sides of a room and still be in tune with what the other was doing or feeling. If you two could package the sexual chemistry you have together you'd make a damn fortune.
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Sim

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Mon May 25, 2009 4:04 am

And having read what I just typed (after already hitting submit obviously doh) I didn't explain it how I wanted.

Didn't mean to imply that you were playing games with each other or anything like that. Just that despite not being physically together anymore, the emotional connection is still there and the sexual tension always bubbling under the surface. Maybe that was what Luka was referring to by the masochist tag? It's like you live to torment and drive the other insane by denying the physical contact.

Streuth, was that any clearer explained? Arrgh I need a new topic before I completely stuff this one.
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Davo

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Mon May 25, 2009 9:43 am

Is it hard keeping it purely platonic at times? Shit yeah. We probably know each other better than we do ourselves. But the alternative, not being in her life and hearing her voice and counting her amongst my friends would be harder still. Don't consider her my ex - consider her to be my best friend. Perhaps that is in essence what makes our current relationship mutated lmao
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Franco1

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Mon May 25, 2009 2:39 pm

If its an amicable split I don't see why you can't remain friends. Especially if you were mates before taking it to the next level. As to Dave and Benj, more power to them I say. Stuff what anyone else thinks. As long as it works for the two of you then go with it.
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rockaholic

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Mon May 25, 2009 3:50 pm

There are no rules where it comes to relationships & if you can hold onto the friendship that made you partners in the first place it says alot about the individual.

Me I'd prefer to stay friends, but I'm not a fan of animosity & ink it'd be disrespectful to not only my ex's to disrespect them <but admits I never let it get messy in the first place.. well certainly apply a hell of a lot of balm & give alot of myself to sort out misunderstandings..> in the long run.

Oh sure there are previous relationships that were disasters, but I choose not to have any ongoing communication with them, nehalone friendship & a admittedly but we learn from our mistakes & I hope to think I have..


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Mish68

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Tue May 26, 2009 2:23 am

I don't have a good record of standing friends with my exs. Only because I have the tendancy to hang on to the bitter end trying to save the relationship, and when it does finally take its last breath I am so over it that I just want to walk away and wipe the slate clean.

Bringing the conversation back to Benj and Dave though; quite frankly the only people questioning the friendship would be those with a belly full of jealousy and envy of what you two still have after 23 odd years of annoying the crap out of each other. I for one think its a beautiful thing and you should both be very proud
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Admin/Luka
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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Tue May 26, 2009 6:27 am

Can I just say publically that I wasn't bagging the two of them. Seeing them both on a regular basis and it being so blatantly obvious that the sexual chemistry is still there I just can't fathom how hard it must be to be around each other purely platonically. I know I won't have the willpower to do it if I was in their shoes. I think we are all a little envious of the relationship they share though if we are being honest. Who wouldn't wish to have that unswerveing loyalty and friendship that they both share.

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Chaz

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Tue May 26, 2009 7:23 am

I think what Benj and Dave share is rare. If you are going to waffle on about a soul mate connection then what they have is probably as close to that as I've ever seen.

I still see a few of my exs on a regular basis when out and about and always stop to have a chat and swap updates on what is happening in our respective lives. There is one out there though that probably has a voodoo effigy of me hiding somewhere in her bathroom with an assortment of pins sticking out of my genitals.

Can't win them all hey lmao.
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Ozzie

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Wed May 27, 2009 4:04 am

Some of my exs I am still close to. Some others I could willingly hack to death with a machete and not give it a second thought. Some relationships need to be let go if one wants to avoid being charged with first degree murder, others are salvagable after the initial pain of the break up is gone.
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Styles

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Wed May 27, 2009 4:08 am

I'm still friends with my exes, now if I could only remember thrir names.
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Zeph

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PostSubject: Re: Being friends with the Ex - Normal or not?   Thu May 28, 2009 2:44 am

Friendly with some of them, some to the point where I've helped them move or gone over to fix their flat tyres etc. I tend to be pretty easy going so usually theres no big break up scene, just two people agreeing that it is not going to work and going their seperate ways. Benj and Dave are an anomolie (or however you spell it) but it works for them and they've never disrespected any of the others new partners so I'd say its a positive thing.
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