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 We've done the pickup lines ............

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Admin/Luka
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PostSubject: We've done the pickup lines ............   Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:33 pm

time to do the musical jokes. Thread started naturally whilst there are no damn guitarists online.


Q - What is the definition of a minor second?

A - Two lead guitarists playing in unison




Q - What's the range of a Gibson Les Paul?

A - Depends on how far you throw it



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Mish68

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:35 pm

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.



Oh come on sweets, you know I can't play a note myself and not taking sides but it was just so tempting.
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:37 pm

One for Benj lol

What's the difference between a Bassist and a rhino that's just eaten a tin of baked beans?

One's a huge useless thing that makes a deep farting noise and the other is a rhino

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Mish68

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Thu Apr 10, 2008 2:38 pm

What should you throw to a drowning bassist?

His Amp!



he made me do it!!!!!!

It wasn't my idea
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Franco1

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Thu Apr 10, 2008 3:07 pm

Q: How do you get a heavy metal guitarist to stop playing guitar?

A: Put sheet music in from of him





Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless




Q: Why does an electric guitar player leave his case on the dashboard?

A: So he can park in the handicapped zone

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Chaz

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:06 am

Which Drummer?

There's a five dollar note on the floor. Of a thrash guitarist, a drummer who keeps good time, and a drummer who keeps bad time, who picks it up?

The drummer who keeps bad time obviously

The other who keeps good time doesn't exist, and the thrash guitarist doesn't care about notes anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:06 am

It's war boys
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Fri Apr 11, 2008 9:25 am

Harsh dude.

Q: What's black and blue and laying in a ditch?
A: A guitarist who's told too many drummer jokes

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rockaholic

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Fri Apr 11, 2008 3:08 pm

oh it's so fun not to take any of this personally
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Davo

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:55 am

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:56 am

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a sack of shit?
A: The sack.
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Ant

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:57 am

Q: How do you make a bassist's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in his ear.

Q: Why are there bass solos?
A: So the audience has something to talk over
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:57 am

Q: What did the bassist do when he was told to turn on his amp?
A: He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it
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Ant

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 7:59 am

What does a drummer use for contraception?

His personality
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Benj

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:13 am

What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer


just you wait guys
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:14 am

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:15 am

Why do bands have bass players?

To translate for the drummer


(ducks)
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:22 am

WHY GUITARS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

* Guitars don't work late.

* Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.

* Guitars don't have parents or kids.

* Guitars don't get sick.

* Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.

* If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.

* Your Guitar always has time for you.

* Guitars don't watch TV.

* Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.

* Guitars don't snore.

* Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.

* If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.

* You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.

* You don't have to feed your Guitar.

* Guitars never argue, you are always right.

* Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.

* Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.

* Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.

* Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.

* Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.

* Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.

* Guitars don't care if you have to work late.

* When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.

* Guitars don't care about their performance.

* Guitars don't get you pregnant.

* Guitars don't have mothers.

* When you've finished playing, you can put it away.

* You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.

* Guitars don't sulk.

* Guitars don't bore you.

* Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.

* Guitars don't have to prove anything.

* Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.

* Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.

* Guitars never interrogate you.

* Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.

* Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.

* You don't have to explain to a Guitar if you don't feel like playing tonight.

* Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.

* Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.

* Guitars don't have egos.

* Guitars don't need remote control units.

* When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.

* When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.

* When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accomodate.

* You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.

* You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.

* You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.

* Your Guitar never finishes before you do.

* Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.

* You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.

* Your Guitars will allow you to play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.

* Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.

* When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and knowthat it can be fixed).

* Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.

* Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.

and last, but not least:

* Your Guitar will never turn into a beer bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.
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Davo

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:22 am

Holy shit lol, the woman's been busy
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Ant

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:23 am

Christ just spilt drink everywhere lol. Too damn funny.
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:24 am

There's got to be a men's equivilant lol. Google here I come lol
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:26 am

Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza ?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four

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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:27 am

Harsh

but true lol



Q - How do you confuse a bassist?

A - Put one of his strings out of tune, but don't tell him which one!
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:28 am

Q - How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - Six, one to change it, and the other five to fight off the lead guitarists who are hogging the light

Gotcha Dave
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PostSubject: Re: We've done the pickup lines ............   Sat Apr 12, 2008 8:28 am

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It doesn't matter - bass players are never in the light anyway

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