I often sit here and wonder if I'm overly picky, and expect too much from a relationship. I tell myself that its just me refusing to settle for second best, but I've sat back and watched female friends purposely destroy relationships because of some minor issue, and I'm starting to wonder if its some sort of defence mechanism women automatically trigger when they feel out of their depth emotionally.

Do women go into relationships with a defeatist attitude already set firmly in place, that kills the new relationship dead in the water before it even has a chance to get off the ground?

Oh nice thread sweet

Damn I've asked myself this question enough times, but fail to be able to answer with a clear head, still..

What I have done is avoid avoid avoid.. <sigh> not really helpful to this thread but hey it works in my private life..

Yes I do believe my standards are too high, I want someone that completes me (I'm having flashbacks to another thread saying this) but in short.. I won't settle for less than that again.

I think men are equally guilty of the same thing. Sometimes something seems so right, or so perfect, that instinct tells you to run a mile simply because you are scared shitless of what comes next. So you do something incredibly dumb, destroy something perfect, then sit round and regret it for what seems like an eternity.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being fussy, having high standards or expectations Benj hun. In my younger days it was all about quantity. Now its all about quality.

I think both genders can be hardwired to unconsciously reject relationships. When you get to our ages you have baggage, regardless of if you are male or female. And with baggage comes doubts and concerns and fears, so your brain can kick in and throw up those walls before you even realise you are doing it.

Heckl haven't men always been accused of rejecting relationships once the word commitment is introduced into the mix?

Its human nature I think.

Do not settle. I am picky as well. I shouldn't be too picky because I am abit disabled, but I am picky.

Benj and I are as different as two people could be, but I think we have one thing in common that we both need to address. We both look for the good in people and hang around in unsatisfactory relationships until the bitter end hitting our heads against a brick wall and trying to make it work. I don't think either one of us purposely tries to hit the self destruct button on relationships. We go too far the other way attempting to save them.

But I do have a few friends who go in with such negative attitudes that the relationship is doomed before it even starts. Whether it be unrealistic expectations, or so much baggage weighing them down that their partner suffocates under the pressure of it. So yes, I think some women, due to past pain and hurt, can destroy something that may have the potential to be a good thing.

Don't think its purely a female thing. If you have doubts or insecurities about yourself or the relationship you sub consciously set out to destroy it in a whacked out way of sparing yourself any pain I think.

I think some people (regardless of gender) are. Love, especially all consuming can't live without you type love can be damn scary, and sometimes the brain sets up a natural defence system to shut down the relationship in an endeavour to spare us potential hurt.

I think some women definately are, and some men too. But I don't think you fall into that category Benj, well not from what I know about you anyway. I think anyone with kids is very very cautious about relationships as its not just you you have to consider. But there's nothing wrong with that at all.

Some are, but then I think it often stems from having been let down and hurt by the males of the species. I think some people are just over awed by being in love, and even though it might be what they want, the actual emotions involved simply over whelm them and they panic.