Never going to be able to look at a one legged, glass eyed, moustache toting, hairy armpitted girl ever again. Or cows for that matter. Perhaps they just fancy you Chaz cause I'm sure they've never checked out my arse as I've walked past them. Then again I thought the rooster gave me a wink last time I was there.

"Not tonight dear, the cows are watching"

Still not sure the brain is up to doing this thread justice but seeing as Sim snuck online the other day, about time she knew the joy of public forum embarassment.



1. Sim :) The condom breaks and disappears, and no amount of attempted retrieval removes the offending object. What the hell do you do

2. Ant isn't available and you get the call to detach two mates that are caught in a rather tight bind courtesy of their piercings. Do you grit your teeth and thrust your hand wherever its necessary, back out slowly and pretend like your car broke down on the way to perform the rescue, grab a camera and publish the pics on photobucket

3. On that same subject, a new partner strips off and he's sporting a 6 gauge prince albert. Do you choose to accept this mission

4. You and your other half are both feeling horny but a friend is asleep in the same room. Do you count sheep until the moment passes, sneak out into the corridor for a quickie, throw the blanket over you and move one inch per 5 minutes so no-one would ever notice, say what the hell he's asleep anyway let's go for it

5. Your man wants you to shove a dirty great big dildo up his arse. Do you question his sexuality, feel so grossed out you reach for a bucket or seize the opportunity as your moment of payback

6. Would you stay with someone if their anatomy was either too small or too big for your liking

7. Ever engaged in the carpet munching olympics or thought about it

8. When taking control on top are you more of a back and forth versus side to side girl

9. Your man wants to pay for you to get your clit pierced to enhance both your pleasure. Do you do it

10. Farm animals are giving you weird looks whilst making love to your partner. Do you take heart in the fact that tbone steak is on the menu for tomorrow, try to blank out their bovine looks of lust, quit and lose all interest in sex completely, use the tarp off the outdoor setting to cover you both and shield you from their prying eyes.

Holy shit chaz, they put my questions to shame, first class mate :)

question 1 reminds me of a great joke i had texted to me just recently:

There's nothing worse than lookin down after sex and seein a soggy condom hangin off your knob, especially if you werent wearing one when you started :)

You don't know the meaning of true panic mate until you've finished the deed and discovered your protective clothing is missing in action. Remember having to grab a torch as a naive 18 year old and having to locate the offending item, all the while she's screaming blue murder.

Now I understand why I got the text message saying 'log in'. Thanks Chaz. I feel so special to have been included in public forum board humiliation


1. Sim :) The condom breaks and disappears, and no amount of attempted retrieval removes the offending object. What the hell do you do

As embarassing as it sounds, I ring Benj and pray her nursing experience will find a way to retrieve it and her ability to keep a secret will stop the event from becoming a thread on here.



2. Ant isn't available and you get the call to detach two mates that are caught in a rather tight bind courtesy of their piercings. Do you grit your teeth and thrust your hand wherever its necessary, back out slowly and pretend like your car broke down on the way to perform the rescue, grab a camera and publish the pics on photobucket

If it was good enough for Ant to stand there taking a few happy snaps before going to the rescue when two friends found themselves in that situation, it's good enough for me! Unlike him though, I'd be grabbing a pair of gardening gloves or alike before putting my hands anywhere.



3. On that same subject, a new partner strips off and he's sporting a 6 gauge prince albert. Do you choose to accept this mission

6 gauge? Wouldn't that make it about the size of his ? No way in hell am I letting a bit of metal that big go anywhere near me.



4. You and your other half are both feeling horny but a friend is asleep in the same room. Do you count sheep until the moment passes, sneak out into the corridor for a quickie, throw the blanket over you and move one inch per 5 minutes so no-one would ever notice, say what the hell he's asleep anyway let's go for it

Probably the throw a blanket and move one inch per 5 min option. Would be more worried about getting caught in the corridor with no-where to hide than lurking under a blanket.


5. Your man wants you to shove a dirty great big dildo up his arse. Do you question his sexuality, feel so grossed out you reach for a bucket or seize the opportunity as your moment of payback

Who would have the time to analyse why he wanted it done? I'd be grabbing the biggest, thickest one I could and giving myself muscle cramps pushing it as hard as I could. Every woman has had the horror of a guy that doesn't care if she's not ready before jumping on board and starting pounding away. Every woman deserves the chance to be able to return the favour at least once in her life.



6. Would you stay with someone if their anatomy was either too small or too big for your liking

Thanks for that Chaz (drips sarcasm). Yes I don't like too big and have been known to end a relationship over it. Thanks for feeling the need to bring it up again.


7. Ever engaged in the carpet munching olympics or thought about it

Thought yes, done no. I think if I ever did, I'd want it to be with another carpet munching 'virgin' also, rather than say a bi lady who knew exactly what she was doing. Less pressure.


8. When taking control on top are you more of a back and forth versus side to side girl

Would rather move my hips that gyrate up and down


9. Your man wants to pay for you to get your clit pierced to enhance both your pleasure. Do you do it

No. Apart from the fact that I have it on good authority from a mutual friend that used to have one that it does absolutely nothing to enhance the experience, no way in hell am I fronting up and letting a stranger not only see but grab and pierce my precious pink bit.


10. Farm animals are giving you weird looks whilst making love to your partner. Do you take heart in the fact that tbone steak is on the menu for tomorrow, try to blank out their bovine looks of lust, quit and lose all interest in sex completely, use the tarp off the outdoor setting to cover you both and shield you from their prying eyes.

I believe from hearing the story told, that d is the correct answer here ......... grab a tarp and throw it over you

Aaargh crap. Can I just reiterate that I meant 'use Benj's nursing knowledge to help ME find a way to remove it MYSELF. Not use Benj to remove it with her own two hands.

So my turn now?

The next 10 questions are for Viking, who I don't really know so apologise to in advance in case I offend:-


1. Name one thing that you sell in your online shop that even you wouldn't try

2. Do you just sell fisting gel or have the need for it yourself. And if so, are we more a receiving or giving type

3. Why the hell would anyone need to use a spreader or is it simply that one partner likes their control somewhat taken away from them

4. Are you the man brave enough to jump into bed with a naked Dave and a female and if so are you both just concentrating on the girl or getting touchy feely with each other

5. Real sex, cam sex, phone sex, or anything as long as it has sex in the title

6. Swedes are famous for naked hot tub romps supposedly. What are Norweigans famous for

7. Have you discovered one sure fire way to turn a woman on, that works with the masses at large

8. Do you prefer your women to be shaved, trimmed or as nature intended

9. Being such a cold country, have you ever indulged in some snow time activity

10. Should a woman take the time to concentrate on just a mans shaft whilst performing orally, include the testicles as well, or are you just grateful to be getting it that you feel too happy to complain

oh bugger.............. 7 o'clock in the morning and seeing this............. uh well I'll do my very best



1. Name one thing that you sell in your online shop that even you wouldn't try

there is a shitload to be honest........anal beads sized like eggs, anal cone sized like a roadcone.......... or any of the extreme dildos/buttplugs......... I sell 'em, but don't want to use 'em or see them in use (the giant shit is popular in the extreme gay community)

2. Do you just sell fisting gel or have the need for it yourself. And if so, are we more a receiving or giving type

we are very giving........... I got a big heart and am a giving kinda guy

3. Why the hell would anyone need to use a spreader or is it simply that one partner likes their control somewhat taken away from them

I don't need them, but SOME submissives enjoy loosing all control thats a thingie that I don't understand 100% myself, but as long there is a market for it I sell it.......

4. Are you the man brave enough to jump into bed with a naked Dave and a female and if so are you both just concentrating on the girl or getting touchy feely with each other

I would have no problem with that, but I would never go for a fistfull of balls or some hair ass play........... touching shoulder vs shoulder in the heat or that out toes met a split second wouldn't even bother me at all, but yeh... the lady would get the fun

5. Real sex, cam sex, phone sex, or anything as long as it has sex in the title

phone sex...... nope...... holes on my phone are FAR too small and when she stuffs it in herself it gets quiet so I don't really see the point., cam sex............. ummmmmmm not with anyone, and only if I don't get the real thing at all

6. Swedes are famous for naked hot tub romps supposedly. What are Norweigans famous for

naked hot tub romps are the finns and not swedes, I don't know what we are famous for regarding sexual stuff... most likely for having the strictest laws regarding porn untill 10 years ago

7. Have you discovered one sure fire way to turn a woman on, that works with the masses at large

yep......... licking my eyebrows.................. on a more serious note......... whispering what my tongue can do and THEN proving it usually does the trick

8. Do you prefer your women to be shaved, trimmed or as nature intended

no hair in the food please

9. Being such a cold country, have you ever indulged in some snow time activity

you can't be a true Viking without fucking in the snow.......... end of story

10. Should a woman take the time to concentrate on just a mans shaft whilst performing orally, include the testicles as well, or are you just grateful to be getting it that you feel too happy to complain

I would never complain anyway as long as she did her job properly, but the more she covers........... the better it is




nuh well........... some boring answers, but it is ealry. to my defense

I will try to make some up for some poor victim later on today

Wonder what would happen if you uttered the same quote to a guy

This is in my top 3 threads of all times (the flakey fantasy one and dear Luka ones being the others). Bit worried what we are going to do when we run out of people to publically humiliate though. Start all over again, or shuffle the questions/people around and make different people answer different ones? Quite a few questions in there I'd like answered by the whole damn entire board!!!

How can I go to work now when I've just 'snorted' I've laughed so hard. Please please keep this thread going. It's priceless.

I'm officially waiting until tomorrow to see if Viking is coming back to put his questions in to the next person and if not resurrecting this thread myself. Got tears running down my face I'm laughing so hard.

Manly tears mind you.

A mere sniffle.

No need for kleenex or anything,.

hm........ being so that I don't know that many personally and upclose it is kinda hard to pick a "victim" so I do it the easy way.......... I am tossing out a few questions that ALL of you can answer and leave it up to the threadstarter who is next in line......... maybe not as fun, but should however produce a few interesting answers.

1: You surprise your significant other naked, sweaty and in bed with someone just as naked and sweaty in your bed with a member of the same sex..... what would your initial reaction most likely be?

2: pick a male and a female from this board for an menage a trois........... and tell us why you picked them

3: Name one single thing that would make you stop a hot sexual act in a second and not even make you think about going back

4: You discover a XXX rated "home-movie" of your partner/lover/spouse/sweetheart online........ what would you do?

5: your partner comes home admitting he/she has had an affair.... what would your first question be?

6: you have picked up some stranger in a bar........ you are invited back to their place and get in . Things are heating up and after a while he/she tells you to get comfortable while he /she slips into something more comfortabel..... you are overly turned on nad almost shaking with exitement..... then you see the person stepping into the room all dressed in latex and leather and with a whip over her/his shoulder......... continue the story please.............

7: phonesex......... yep/nope?? why?

8: have you ever shown your privates on a live webcam to someone you never had a relationship with? and why?

9: the Girl/Guy you have wanted for sooooooooo long invites you to some sheetrumble on the same day and time as your absolutely favourite band plays in your town......... you have never seen them live and you are pretty unsure if you ever get the chance again......... choises. choises.. what do you choose?




maybe these was not so fun. but anyway here goes.. I will answer them myself sooner or later.